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Monday, 15 February 2010

TRUST is Slipping!

I have this niggle of mis-trust of SI at the back of my head which I am trying to work around.......

In January, there was a problem with both my Egg Donor and Surrogate.....both had to be changed...... I put this down to human nature taking its toll.

Of course the planned trip to Mumbai went ahead......as basically all I needed to do was the paperwork formalities, meet the surrogate and leave a donation.

Seems easy right......so from that point I expect that the Doctor will update the surrogacy cycle schedule.

No, I had to repeatedly ask for this! A bit odd!

I get the schedule and it all seems ok, so I follow along with the dates where things are happening with the Surrogates and ED.

Then today, I ask for an update and the Doctor tells me that they are waiting for things to happen that should have happened 3 or 4 days ago......then he is vague on everything else.

I ask for dates and he cannot give!

This is rocking the 50/50 trust that I have had......and my gut instinct is leading the way.

This just doesn't feel good! What do we do?


  1. I hate that feeling. I had it myself once or twice during our adoption process. In the end it was just me being me. We have met Gerry and Rhonda from your blog list "Our Journey to Surrogacy" and they seemed to have a good experience. Since they've been through it maybe you should ping them? I'm sorry I have no advice, except go with your instincts and protect your hearts.

  2. I wish for you the very best and pray that everything goes well. I'll check back for any updates.

  3. Have faith and trust. We were ready to go with only a few weeks left prior to our departure date for Mumbai and then....our surrogate went MIA. Damn!
    We called SI and arranged a second SM for our cycle. Then, malaria took hold of our 2nd SM. Double damn!! When we finally chose our 3rd SM we were unsure wether or not all would be OK and you know what, it was and still is.

    There is a huge level of trust on both sides when it comes to surrogacy in India. You would know from seeing the docs first hand that they are busy and the schedule on paper can always be out some days. We have found this with our pregnancy but this has had no negative impact on our baby. If nothing else we have learnt to be exceptionally patient during this process.

    You are in safe hands with SI.

  4. Thanks all for the Words of Wisdom.....I guess the process also requires a bit of cultural adaption!

  5. Is all really difficult, with the loss of control, the distance does not help either, along with putting your complete trust into something that can not be seen and only experienced from a distance. Be persistent until you get a response that you are happy with either good or bad as long as you are fully informed and aware. Stress that you are not medically aware, this is your first experience and you simply want to know the information as it comes to hand. It is alright to ask to be informed and your right! Explain you are experiencing this from a distance and currently breathing, eating and sleeping for every little bit of information (I understand it becomes like your fix when you get the next update!!!).

    I don't think it matters which clinic you are with you are bound to experience these feelings when things are happening so far away and you are putting your trust in something you don't fully understand, have no control over and want so much to happen.

    It definitely requires cultural adaption but it could be said that this goes both ways try and meet half way but don't sell yourself short. From personal experience however not with SI, I also say listen to your gut and protect your heart.

    We hope all goes well and things work out for the best for you both!!! To Novemeber!!!

  6. We are currently in Mumbai waiting for our egg pick up day which has now changed several times. You really do have to realize that not everything goes to plan I suppose. We are now waiting for a call from the docs to fill us in.
    Just hoping that our follicles are growing nicely, and we end up with a bunch of eggs.
    When I spoke to the docs this morning I asked if all was going well. They said it was so I really have to put our trust in them and believe that it is going well.
    It is a very hard thing to do at times, I know at times I have also been a bit frustrated and not sure what to think.
    All will be well I am sure!!
    Good look in the next few days, hope you hear some positive news!!

  7. We've second guessed why things were handled the way they were a few times to say the least, so please know you are not the only ones. The schedule and plan changed for us as well (a few times) and for an anal planner like myself, that was trying.

    Unfortunately, not all IPs have experienced the magical journey that others have and that adds even more pressure. There is definitely cultural differences and they don't always sympathize and comprehend the frustrations IPs have at times. When our questions aren't answered from the docs, we push a little harder and explain the position we are in from 7,500 miles away. I suggest doing the same and see where it gets you.

    It's extremely difficult to take this leap of faith and to do so with doctors you hardly know only adds to the enormous stress. We are all here to listen when you need to vent and sometimes that's just what's needed. Try to keep your chin up! xo

  8. We have all second guessed our decision of doing Surrogacy in India. I know things don't seem to be a reality at first. The reality didn't hit us until we were 3 months pregnant. In our experience the doctors have been very thorough. We also had a bit of a bumpy start. We got through that and here we are 32 weeks pregnant. The best advice I can tell you is to be persistant. The doctors are very understanding and compassionate. Just keep reminding them of your needs and what you need to put things into perspective. You both are very strong and have gotten this far. Don't give up just yet. You are almost there. India is not for everyone. It takes a special kinda of person to do Surrogacy in India. You have to have a great deal of patience to go through this process. Rob and I are both very anal retentive when it comes to anything. We both wanted to become parents so badly and wanted it yesterday. We couldn't get through the 2WW without emailing the docs daily. Now, we have gotten this far and have learned so much about ourselves and others.

    SI is a very clinic. You are going to hear things about every clinic. I think it is our nature to focus on the negatives. I would send a detailed email to Dr. Sudhir and explain to him what you expect and when and how is he going to make that happen. They are very accomidating. Try that and see if that works. Don;t give up just yet. This WILL finally work for you two! Please let us know if you need to talk.

    Good Luck